Cathy Harris

Love Coach, Advice Columnist and author of "Love After 50" at DearCathy.com. 

Got a Question...Call (512) 909-7365 or Email AskCathy@DearCathy.com 

Robin's Story:

Chasing Men Away

Dear Cathy:

My name is Robin and I am a 44 year old African American female fitness trainer. My body looks great so I would also like to meet a man with a nice body. I work out a lot at the gym and meet my clients there, who are mostly females. I believe I might be chasing men away from me because of how I look at them. I will admit that I do “mean-mug” men, not just some of the time, but I have found myself doing this a lot. What do you suggest I do to get away from mean-mugging men? Mean-mugging men, New York.

Dear Robin:

You answered your own question about why you are still single. If you want to meet a man with a nice body, the gym is the place to be. The definition of “mean-mugging” is to glare at another person with sour look on one's face.

Men are very visual so no matter how great your body looks, if you are mean-mugging men, they will not only find you unattractive, but they will also think you are going to be too much work to build a relationship with, so they will simply move on. 

Not just move on but when they see you at the gym, they might even make a comment to other men, that everytime they see you, you have a sour look on your face. Just remember one of the best ways to attract the opposite sex into your life is to SMILE MORE and stop “mean-mugging.”

Paula's Story:

Dating a Younger Man

Dear Cathy:

I got a divorce after 30 years. I am now in my early 50s. I moved across country to live with my son, and now I am dating a man 25 years younger than me.  I have not told anyone, including my son and my other children about this man, but he has made me very happy. He does not see the age difference as a problem, but I am sure others will. What do you think? Dating a Younger Man, Texas

Dear Paula:

We live in a society that judges women who date younger men, but not men who date younger women, so age is irrelevant when it comes to love.  If dating a younger man has made you happy, then be happy. You are too old to worry about what other people might think of you, including your own children. 

Life is meant for you to live, love and be happy. This is your life and at your age, you are setting all the rules, so be happy. There could be a blessing in disguise here also, for instance, dating a younger man should keep you feeling and looking younger and because of his age, hopefully he doesn’t come with too much baggage.

Other women and men, unlike yourself, don’t have the courage to do what you are doing. Many remain in loveless marriages, day in and day out, out of a sense of obligation, even though they are not happy.  Not only did you choose to move across the country, but you allowed your heart to be opened again, which is a rarity in these days and times. 

Remember that most people never leave the areas that they grew up in. Therefore, all your efforts to create the life that you truly love, should be applauded. 

Cynthia's Story

In Love With My Friend’s Ex

Dear Cathy:

I have been friends with my friend for over 15 years. She got a divorce and is now married to a wonderful man. She never had kids, but now has two stepchildren. I am secretly dating her ex-husband, who was married to her for 20 years. I wasn’t attracted to him when they were together, but now I really love this man. 

I don’t know what to do about our situation. Do you have any suggestions on how we should handle this? How do I tell my friend that I am in love with her ex-husband or should my new mate tell her, since they are still friends? Ex-husband Jitters, Boston

Dear Cynthia:

Falling in love with a friend’s ex-husband is a very complicated situation. No one would actually choose to fall in love with a friend’s ex-husband. Since it has happened to you, then you need to deal with it, and you should be the one who breaks this news to her.

One woman’s loss is another woman’s gain and despite what you think, she might be happy for you. So you need to let her know what has happened. However, you might be left with the choice of choosing to stay friends, or giving up your new mate. So you need to ask yourself, how important is her friendship.

True love is a rarity and it only comes around once for many people in this lifetime, so I would think about your decision wisely.  Meet with your friend or send her a written letter and explain to her what has happened. Let her know that during the time of her marriage, nothing out of the ordinary or no attractions took place. 

She is now married to another man and is probably happy, so again, she might just be happy for you too, especially since she and her ex-husband remained friends after the split. If that doesn’t work, then you might need to avoid her by not hanging out in places, where you know she will be. But you also need to understand, that true friends don’t stand in the way of another friend’s happiness.

With the release of the below book "Love After 50:  Love Questions from DearCathy.com After Hours," Cathy is now a "LOVE COACH."